Friday, February 19, 2016

My take on motherhood

Hello dolls!

It's been over a year since I wrote my last blog. So much has changed since then, it almost feels like a lifetime. If you follow me on social media you might already know I am a mom. I found out last year in October when I was only four weeks preggers. It was a surprise because I was on birth control and wasn't expecting it at all. Nonetheless we were happy and eager to meet our little bundle of joy.

I am writing this blog to let you guys know my thoughts and feelings about motherhood. I feel like everybody tells you how beautiful and amazing it is, but no one talks about the crazy roller coaster ride that you're in for. But even if they tell you, trust me your're not going to be ready. I don't think no one can get ready for such a life changing experience. All of the sudden you become this superhuman that has no option but to do it all.

My baby was born on July 2, 2015. He was a beautiful healthy baby boy. I had a c-section because the doctor said he was too big to go through the birth canal, and there was a possibility that he could get stuck. Besides, I never went into labor, nor was I dilating or having contractions. I wasn't too thrill about it but I wasn't going to put the baby or myself at risk. During my stay at the hospital the baby was never taken away from me because at my hospital they have a "bond with mommy" policy, and they don't have nurseries anymore. So there I was with my stomach cut up in half taking care of a newborn by myself. I was in a shared room and there was no space, so I told my mom and boyfriend to leave. I was trying to be considerate of them, little did I know that it was my last chance to be selfish and let them help me so I could rest the last two days of good sleep that I would get for a long time lol. That was no fun, but I survived and went home after two days.

Let the fun begin! When I tell you, you will be living in between diaper changes, spit up and bottles I am not lying. You will not have time to breath let alone take a shower. I was paranoid the first week, I heard him cry even when he wasn't, I couldn't sleep afraid that I might fall asleep too deep and not hear him. Your hormones make you feel like you are crazy and delusional. You will develop the ability to cry and laugh at the same damn time hahaha. 

Giving life to another human being is incredible, but boy does it take a toll on you. You will have to get to know the new you. You will have to learn what this new person that you have become likes and doesn't like anymore. You will look in the mirror and cry, because you don't know where the old you went. It's been seven months and I'm still looking for myself. I am picking up the pieces that are left of the old me, to put them together with my new mommy self. It's one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. But I shall piece myself together, and become the best version of me that I can.

If you are a mom I am pretty sure you know what I am talking about. I just feel like too often we are afraid to admit it, because people might judge you for it. Yes, motherhood is beautiful. Yes, your little one will fill you with happiness and joy. But you will still be afraid. At times you will feel like running away. Being a mom is the most unselfish act of all. You give up a part of you to create a new person. Is only normal that you end up with a couple of loose screws.

The man that changed my life, Kyle J. MacDonald.



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